The Loki Dance

traces of nicotine

don't tell me you don't smoke anymore
traces of nicotine stain the pages of
my diary where you place your name in
i want you in but i also want you out
i don't argue

collecting my thoughts i'm heading
home with you. your anger could consume
all i have left but i want to absorb
i want to be a sponge for all your screams
until you can sit quiet and calm
i want to be your mother but not like this
not while i am your lover
wrapped up in blankets but so far apart
so far i don't want to breath you this way
i want to let the cat lick your sweat from me
i want but i keep my wants quiet while you
expand

i want you in but i also want you out
i don't argue

some days you are beautiful enthusiasm
you tell me my ideas are beautiful but
then you change the rules i don't want
to go deeper into the darkness that sits
in this house i don't want to go darker and
pretend it is my fuel but i do

weeping you are wanted
shaking you are loved i swear just
not loved like this just not held
when i am afraid your anger will
increase your arms strength and crush me
should i be honest, i feel so small and
i feel so alone. i am dreaming of a love
that wraps me in its arms of understanding
i am dreaming of a love that does not include
you and it scares me, the dreams without
you

don't tell me you don't smoke anymore
traces of nicotine stain the pages of
my diary where you place your name in
i want you in but i also want you out
i don't argue

smoke your damn cigarettes
i will take my asthma somewhere else.

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