The Loki Dance

where i was feeble

my veins glow lumenscent under my skin which pales in the moonlight. i stare and search, i see no more, i am beyond seeing. i am entering elusive feeling. My face veiled by tear has been wiped clear. And i start a song as a story but it changes on me and i see there the notes i intended emblazoned on my skin. My laughter lets it in, i say "Mistakes are welcome here" and dance discordantly saying on the morrow i will have no shame.
And power courses through my veins, like lightning i see it shoot out my fingertips up into the skyy where eyes are lined with black. The night has fallen far too fast. i wanted to hold and say steady but i crumbled instead. i let my pores commune with the soil, i let my soul slip inside and in the dirt i felt most clean, where everyone else told me No, you cannot go there. i laughed at white, at the swan that floated by as if i was to envy her. My hair flew around my face as a wind came up and i felt alive in the passages of time, in the beauty and the sensuality that is there between my thighs. And i need not lie to pacify you, or them, or him, or her. Because my caring is of another world.
My hands find string they lay it out, i build a piano dismantled to prevent my secrets from spilling out. There she is, a mirror of me, her wood polished and shining and i see irredescent clouds sweeping about my feet, i see my soul fluttering there where i left her alone. Because he said i should.
i never listened very well. i always knew i'd find her here. i take up the clouds, i call upon all the elements that made me to unmake my mistake, to give me my passion, my comfort, my love, my lust. i step in the sands that once pulled me down slowly, that used to be a slow death of what should have been a quick sand. The slow sand allowed my every sound to scream and be heard.
i turn as i step, i have no fear, i know it is late. Perhaps they would not say i know him very well but i already know a soul blueprint! What else is more important then this?
What i have come here for? The beauty distracts me, i react, sure. i am so tired, i faint. But the beautiful music is still being played, a deeper tone as yet to come. i do not understand!
But why must i understand and hold this thing to the confines of linguistics? It is beyond word, beyond touch, and yet i need them both to remind me that i am human. That a love deeper does not destroy me.
My hair gets in my eyes fluttering butterflies. The time is getting closer. Closer to consumption, to a heaven i have dreamed of but been both unaware and aware that i must unfurl, leave this desert to find the rain. My longing, a constant companion, always served to remind me.
My breath is getting white before me, my breath forms a dress that shudders and shivers and swims all around me. My absence of desire is in the sand from which i rose. To be alive is to desire. What i desire i do not even know.
i sway to the notes that became scars on my arms. i sway to a passion yet to come. i sway because my stability is not stagnant, it needs to always grow. i sway because that is where the lovers' hold catches.
And then i cry in my footfalls, the tears become pools. The pools wash away desert and i look at the sun. And i say as the light filters through me as a prism making me every colour new, i say "catch me" where i am feeble.
i do not wish to fall back to the sands anymore.

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