The Loki Dance

creature mother

creature mother
come to nurture
am i hungry
not enough to feed
on your vanity
creature mother
i was kept young
and i was kept ignorant
but i should have looked
i should have been clever
Pandora
and i could have loved you
i could have saved you but
i am a wrecking ball
creature mother
creature mother
do you hear her
rambling as the sea
do you see her
hair as uncertain as waves
it chokes me
creature mother
a yearning for what they're holding
that's not in my arms
creature mother
words grow shadows
throwing words like poisons
over my hands
throwing sparks where the flint
meets darkness
dropping me you me you me you
and if i drown in the silence
you will throw me a voice
creature mother
creature mother
come to nurture
please let me nurture you with my own vanity
i was kept young and
i was kept ignorant but
i should have looked
i should have been clever
Pandora
but I am a creature mother
greet your mother
creature mother

ember box

lights as love
shadowed in a
tinder box
tenderness pours
out like this
waterfall.

do you hear her?
rambling as the sea?
do you see her?
hair as uncertain as waves
it chokes me.

the thoughts are
solidifying carmel
sticking to my idealism
sticking to my concept
of freedom i am caught
sure as being sought

out, it hurts me
in, it cools me wherein
fire flies out
aurora shifts again
impatient for her time
impatient for what is mine
is it right?

i stand here uncovered
vulgar little diamonds of
trust thrust through unseeing eyes
oh- no - i saw you
which is why i could not come.

Gift of drains

Stark as staring
ask for everything
everything is draining
you can't expect to get
what you give
if it is a gift than
give it not your
expectations as a bow
wrapping up the person
now
you are crying
you are angry
things will always
be a disapointment
walking in the way of
wind even this you
don't find refreshing
nothing is beautiful
enough until it is
perfect absolutely
tailored to your body
expertly
i don't want to hear now
i am not responsible
carry your baggage,
i've got my own.

Am.

what if i was lonely
i was still studying
all the words lined up
in theories blending
philosophy is sex to me

fire flies, draft

fire flies in
orange as sunset
blue as moon me
becoming new oh
wait-not new- why
do we want infant
at this stage? why
do we want virgin
in this play?
i am ever changing
i am eclipsing all
i was before
i am emerging from cocoon
so warm inside bright light
heard a sizzling outside me
and now in me burning out
star inversion blossom
fire flies
super nova

Still, Born version

there is no baby in my womb
there is only emptiness
when i leave this world
no part of me remains but
in the other perhaps
you will call my name

my kiera, my lilly, my garden
of babies
in the death of their births

i was swinging my right of
existance up up up and yonder
i could try to follow and
consume cloud but that diet
was not yet meant for me and so
i came down

my kiera, my lilly, my garden
of babies
in the death of their births

there is blood at both ends of
this tale i'm afraid
my hands have held their remaining
science though in this i can have no logic
they would tell me you were nothing
they would tell me you were nothing
they would have me forgetting, if they could
but

you were still, born

knife

you fill me like lightning
dark sparks light driving
down a road and startled
how did i get here
what does it mean dear
is this oblivion? i always
wondered. i will never know

whispered encouragement
soaking the fire
rage blooms eternal a mystery
soaks its roots and vines
eventually tangle
will claim me and
then what will i do
i haven't a knife to cut through

oh but you do

Sepia Straining

celebrate your victory
turn around you flaming
fleas scurry desperately
why must it be desperately
desperation was not one of my A grades
so soft inside here, a word
cherished as water recycles
all those other dirty things
give it up just arms in tha air
please don't mock me
why must it be so annihilating?
annihilation was not one of my A grades
trusting turns the key
makes every lock into a gossamer thing
veiled eyes and innocent struts
turns peacock then hard cock
and then i took
suppose i did not
and dreams destroyed this vital thing
this red and beating blue bird heart thing
this my only shimmered crystal thing
smashed as her hands were shaking
why must it be so frighteningly real
reality was not one of my A grades
blue moon stirred into sun
a smear of colour on everyone
faces turned into torched peach
horizon making love and screaming
a voice "why not me"
emptying a swirrled curled need
a need so simple as believe
strutting a new victory
turn around you flaming
fleas scurry desperately
desperation was not one of my A grades
why must it be your everything?

half the reason i am here now
is to empty myself of anger
this reason blade slit through
me truth was becoming empty
in the beautiful face of a lie
i decided i would try to form
this into something better
something bigger
something stranger
he said we should be lovers
and although curious i remained
causious when he comes with a
cauldron of misfired promises
i'd rather say this is empty now
i'd rather say i have some place
to fill fuck me off.

broken

...remember, remember, remember...
and this is an ode to that day -some day-
when i walked out of that place
paint on my face and tear drinks swelling
should i have left with the wounds still open
this cycle will not be broken
i apologize
i was not as brave as you
when they came gunning i went running
i just crawled the distance like they
wanted me to
it was a sick sad moment
my worst collision with my own caustic
censure of self
...remember, remember, remember...
i said
"where i obey is broken, every road
to there dead." now my tribe is broken
tributary spoken bleeding it's way out
to today...
hurt her, she handed me her life
her hands were like dust and
they settled in my skin like second pores
and out pored the sweat of our communion
where they've left me
i want to leave me
i am the leaf blowing red crackled
and forgotton
i should have chased behind the horses
as they rode with my sister
hair blowing in the wind
i don't want to remember where memory
has a price to pay
that price is pain
it brings me back again
...remember, remember, remember...
and here history is sitting down to dinner
did we dine as they slept as a nation on
a throne and then we wept
it comes out like this
deep in the earth we'll grow
to plant flowers in the desert sun
don't say it sister
don't say he's now the one you'll
have to take
it isn't ok
yesterday remains on our today

"some day i'll open eyes
and learn to open my mouth
to words like virtue. i'll
get white as snow"

she said
i said

"virtue is virtually gone today."